Search

I don’t want to be with you! Time to think!





How to manage your words when arguing with your loved ones

Today we discuss a quite delicate subject, the words we say to our loved ones when we are angry. It isn’t unusual to find ourselves shouting things without even thinking, only to regret them later. But for most of us, in the heat of battle to notice – much less manage, our words when arguing with our loved ones.

How many times have you said: "I hate you", "I don’t want to be with you anymore" or "I am sick of you" and who knows what other nasty comebacks? Probably many, many times!

The real question is: Did you really mean it? Do we really mean the feelings displayed in those angry words? Sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t. Yes, I know what you are thinking; how could you know, right then? How could you discern when it is just emotions or anger talking versus when it's really the end and time to move on?

Well, I know what you're dealing with and the good news is that I've found an easy way to recognize which is which. All you need is a little thing called IMAGINATION, using it, you will realize what your heart truly wants. But, how can imagination help you know?

Managing your emotions when arguing with your loved ones

When someone says that you should remain calm and talk things out, it is easier said than done, right? That’s the reason why saying bad things to our loved ones when we are angry is so common! So, what can you do during a fight to avoid snapping? Well, it still sounds easier said than done but even in tears, anger, sadness and all other mixtures of emotions, stop and take a minute to just imagine.

Imagine that your partner is gone, like they really had enough of you. They don't pick up the phone or answer your messages. They don't even bother you anymore with their daily problems; everything is gone.

Perhaps you think: “finally, some space” and for a few days, it may be genuine. However, what about the next week? How would that feel? Yes, a few days apart may be ok but when those days start becoming weeks and months, things will surely feel different. You can take it even further; what about imagining they are in the arms of another, loving someone else? Would that make you uncomfortable?

The answer is quite simple! You see, if it doesn't bother you at all and you feel like you're living your best moment don’t waste your time! Just take your bags and leave; you're doing the right thing. 

Why? Because if you don’t feel anything close to sadness, longing, jealousy or rage when you imagine this, then you should consider why you are with your partner. For sure, the reason is not that you love them. 

What if it actually affects you but you don't externalize it? You don’t want to tell them that you don’t want to lose them because you feel like you are losing a fight. 

Think what if your ego will take over and as a result, you really will lose the person you love for life. 

Well, have you considered it may be your ego taking over? And what if that ends up making you lose your loved one for good, just because of those things you said to your loved one when you were angry?

Does that feel worse than losing the fight? What if that fight is the last one because it was the icing on the cake for them? Yes, tomorrow will be another day. But that person you want to be with so dearly won't be there. Does that scare you? If you love, I bet it does!

So, before we say, "I don't want to be with you", we should use mental exercises like this one to make sure we mean it. And if you don’t, then what are you waiting to move your ass and get your wrongs fixed?

Final thoughts

A relationship requires work and you need to know there will be ups and downs; that doesn't mean you have to take it to the limit every time! 

There is nothing to worry about if every now and then you argue. Sometimes the fight may bring you closer as it may be a time when you realized how much you want to be with this person. But fighting will always have a risk of losing one another.

Trust me, relationship counselors like me have days when we just want to run away and leave everything behind. So far, I mostly make it to the first floor. And that's the trick for me; I always try to IMAGINE. Imagine a day or two, then weeks. And to be honest, I never want to imagine months because by then I've already realized I don’t want to lose that man. I recommend you do the same!

If there is a woman or man who you truly love, don’t let your anger, ego, or other impulses control and ruin what you have. IMAGINE! Do this exercise and whatever you feel, go and share it with your partner. Learn how to manage your words when arguing when your loved one and the honest heart will give you a direction!

24 views